When We Fear-Monger Fear-Mongering: The Trap of Avoiding Fear in Spirituality and Wellness

Fear-Mongering Fear-Mongering: The Trap of Avoiding Fear in Spirituality and Wellness

For a long time, I believed to the depths of my core that I should never “feed into fear.” I was deeply immersed in personal development, spirituality, and wellness, and I told myself that buying into fear-based paradigms—whether it was the headlines in the news or the injustices in the world—would only perpetuate more fear. I internalised the idea that acknowledging fear, anger, or grief would somehow give them more power.

So, I avoided them.

I trained myself not to react emotionally to the tragedies happening around me. When I witnessed social injustice, sexism, misogyny, racism, and ignorance in day-to-day life, I would repeat to myself: Don’t give in. Don’t let fear take over. Don’t let anger consume you. Stay high-vibration. Love and light.

But something wasn’t right.

No matter how much gratitude I practised, no matter how much love I tried to shine, there was a tension in my body that wouldn’t dissolve. I was unknowingly shoving my emotions down, and they were accumulating—anger, resentment, confusion, and overwhelm. My body was telling a different story than my mind, and eventually, I had to listen.

The Fear of Fear Itself

What I had been doing was fear-mongering myself about fear-mongering. I was caught in a loop of spiritual bypassing, where I refused to acknowledge the very real emotions that had been present in me since childhood—the deep sensitivities I had always carried about the world’s pain.

I see this happen a lot in wellness spaces. The fear of being consumed by negativity leads people to suppress their very real, valid, human emotions. There’s an unspoken rule in many spiritual circles that tells us: Don’t focus on the bad, or you’ll attract more of it. But in doing so, we disconnect from the reality of the world and, more importantly, from ourselves.

And when we suppress emotions rather than allowing ourselves to process them, they don’t just go away. They build up in the body, dysregulating our nervous system and reducing our capacity to handle discomfort. Instead of developing resilience, we shrink our window of capacity—our ability to sit with difficult emotions, sensations, and situations.

The Spiral: When We Fear Speaking Our Fears

Recently, a client of mine voiced something that hit me on a deep level. She was terrified of saying her fears out loud—worried that if she did, she would manifest them into reality.

Hearing this took me right back to my own struggles. I’ve had irrational fears about losing the people I love, and I’ve also hesitated to voice them out loud. I’ve caught myself thinking, What if saying this somehow creates it?

This kind of anxiety is suffocating. Imagine the pressure of carrying every intrusive thought and never daring to release it—because what if acknowledging it makes it come true? But where do these thoughts come from? Often, it’s the result of impressions left by movies, books, songs, and societal conditioning. I can personally name movies I regret watching because they planted irrational fears in my subconscious.

And the wellness world hasn’t necessarily helped.

When the “Law of Attraction” Becomes a Trap

The idea that what we think and say shapes our reality has been widely promoted by spiritual teachers, authors, and influencers. The Law of Attraction suggests that our thoughts create our experiences. While this perspective has its place, it also has a dark side—one that can lead to emotional suppression, toxic positivity, and even victim-blaming.

Prominent Figures Who Promote This Mindset:

• Rhonda Byrne (The Secret) – Popularised the idea that positive thinking alone can transform one’s life.

• Andrew Kap (The Last Law of Attraction Book You’ll Ever Need To Read) – Teaches that understanding the Law of Attraction is key to manifesting desires.

• Abiola Abrams (From Imagination to Reality) – Discusses the Law of Assumption and the power of thoughts in creating our world.

While these teachings resonate with many, there is a growing conversation about how this philosophy can be harmful if taken to an extreme.

The Psychological and Physiological Consequences

Mental health professionals are increasingly pushing back on these beliefs, pointing out the dangers of suppressing emotions and oversimplifying reality.

• Psychology Today warns that the Law of Attraction can lead to toxic positivity and victim-blaming, making people feel personally responsible for every hardship they experience.

• Healthline discusses how suppressing negative emotions in an attempt to “stay positive” can be detrimental to mental health.

• The Newport Institute highlights that these teachings can actually worsen anxiety and depression by making people believe their negative thoughts define their reality.

A powerful example of this comes from Stanford neurosurgeon Dr. James Doty, who explains that while visualisation and intention-setting do engage the brain’s attention network (making goals more achievable), this process is rooted in neuroscience, not superstition. Writing down goals and saying them out loud may help focus the mind, but that doesn’t mean every stray thought will manifest into reality.

A More Balanced Approach: Feeling Without Fear

So, where do we go from here?

First, we need to acknowledge that emotions—all emotions—are natural and valid. Avoiding fear doesn’t make us stronger; it can actually make us more anxious, disconnected, and burnt out. Fear, anger, grief—these emotions hold wisdom. They are part of being human, and they can guide us toward meaningful action.

At the same time, we can take responsibility for our own energy without shaming or blaming ourselves. Self-reflection is powerful, but it must be done with compassion. Yes, we can ask:

• Where do I see internalised sexism, racism, or harmful conditioning in myself?

• Where do I perpetuate the very things I dislike in the world?

But we might ask these questions not from a place of guilt or shame, but from a desire to transform and grow.

This is where nervous system resourcing becomes essential.

Nervous System Resourcing: Expanding Our Capacity to Respond Instead of React

A crucial part of nervous system resourcing is building our capacity to sit with discomfort. Life will always throw spanners in the works—uncertainty, grief, injustice, change. We cannot simply sweep these things under the rug and expect to live in a world free of pain or challenge.

When we engage in nervous system resourcing practices—whether through restorative yoga, breathwork, somatic movement, or deep nervous system support—we widen our window of capacity. This means that instead of reacting impulsively to discomfort, fear, or stress, we develop the ability to stay present with these sensations.

A narrow window of capacity means we are easily thrown into fight, flight, freeze, or fawn responses. We become reactive rather than responsive. We either shut down, lash out, or go into people-pleasing patterns.

A wide window of capacity means we can experience discomfort—whether it’s something we hear in conversation, see on the news, or experience personally—and stay present with it without spiralling into dysregulation. We can process our emotions, assess what is needed, and respond with clarity rather than react out of fear.

This is where real transformation happens—not just on a personal level, but on a collective scale.

But Sometimes Reactions Are Necessary

This isn’t about dismantling all reactions. It’s not about saying that fight, flight, freeze, or fawn are inherently bad. Sometimes a reaction is exactly what we need in the moment to protect ourselves.

If we are in a situation that is truly unsafe—physically, emotionally, or psychologically—our body and mind will react to protect us. And sometimes, that’s not only appropriate, but essential.

• Sometimes we need to freeze—to pause, assess, and avoid escalating a dangerous situation.

• Sometimes we need to walk away—to remove ourselves from harm, set boundaries, or create space to regulate.

• Sometimes we need to fight or defend ourselves—because the situation calls for it.

These survival responses have kept us alive. They have protected us in the past and have allowed us to be here today. There are moments in life when reacting is not only necessary but the best and safest choice.

Nervous system resourcing isn’t about eliminating reactions—it’s about building our capacity so that when we don’t need to react, we have the ability to respond. And when we do need to react, we can trust our body’s innate wisdom to do what’s needed.

From Reaction to Response: Turning Emotions Into Meaningful Action

When we resource our nervous system, we don’t just learn to sit with discomfort—we learn how to move through it. This is what allows us to turn fear, anxiety, stress, and discomfort into actionable responses that create real change.

For example:

• If something we see in the news enrages us, a dysregulated nervous system might cause us to lash out on social media or spiral into hopelessness. A resourced nervous system allows us to pause, process, and decide how to take meaningful action—whether that’s donating, educating ourselves, or advocating for change.

• If we feel fear about an uncertain future, an unresourced nervous system might push us into avoidance or denial. A regulated nervous system allows us to acknowledge the fear without being consumed by it, making decisions from a place of grounded awareness rather than panic.

• If we witness injustice or oppression, a narrow window of capacity might cause us to freeze, shut down, or turn inward. A wider window of capacity allows us to step forward and do something about it—whether that’s having difficult conversations, amplifying marginalised voices, or working towards systemic change.

When we can stay with discomfort without shutting down or reacting impulsively, we become agents of change. This is how movements gain momentum. This is how real shifts happen—not just within us, but within entire communities and global structures.

The Bigger Picture: Resourced Nervous Systems Create Resourced Communities

When we widen our own window of capacity, we don’t just do it for ourselves. We do it for our communities, our relationships, and the larger global movement towards justice, healing, and systemic change.

A resourced nervous system is not a passive one. It is not numb, indifferent, or disengaged. It is responsive, compassionate, and capable of holding space for both grief and hope, fear and courage, discomfort and transformation.

This is how we move beyond fear-mongering fear-mongering.

This is how we stop avoiding fear, and instead, use it as a tool for conscious, empowered, and embodied action.