The Harm of Toxic Positivity and Spiritual Bypassing: A Call for Authenticity and Personal Responsibility
In recent years, there’s been growing awareness of the terms toxic positivity and spiritual bypassing, yet their deeper implications often remain misunderstood. Both concepts stem from a well-intentioned desire to navigate life’s difficulties, but they can easily become harmful when they invalidate honest emotions or serve as tools to avoid personal responsibility. Understanding these dynamics is crucial for fostering genuine connection, self-awareness, and healing.
Toxic Positivity: When Positivity Becomes Harmful
Positivity is often seen as a virtue—a way to stay hopeful, resilient, and focused on the brighter side of life. But sometimes, we use positivity to avoid looking at painful truths within ourselves. This avoidance isn’t necessarily malicious; it can be a protective mechanism, arising from never having felt truly safe in our own bodies, nervous systems, or relationships. Without the proper support systems to process difficult emotions, leaning on positivity might feel like the only option.
The issue arises when this internal coping mechanism is turned outward, imposed on others, and used to dismiss their raw, honest emotions. This is where positivity becomes toxic. It shows up when someone opens up about their struggles or the hardships they’re experiencing, and instead of being met with understanding, they hear:
• “Don’t feel that way.”
• “Stay positive.”
• “You’re putting out bad energy.”
This dismissive response invalidates the person’s emotions and sends a harmful message: that their pain is wrong or unwelcome. It glosses over the real challenges of life and denies the shittiness of difficult situations. People experiencing grief, hardship, or emotional pain aren’t looking for solutions; they’re looking for validation that their experiences are real and that it’s okay to feel the way they do.
True positivity is not about avoiding or invalidating pain—it’s about holding space for the full spectrum of human emotions. It recognizes that healing and growth require honesty, self-compassion, and a safe environment to process emotions without judgment.
Spiritual Bypassing: Avoidance Disguised as Enlightenment
Spiritual bypassing often goes hand in hand with toxic positivity, using spiritual language or practices to avoid facing uncomfortable realities. It manifests as a tendency to explain away pain or hardship with phrases like:
• “It’s all part of the divine plan.”
• “Your vibration attracted this.”
• “It’s just Mercury retrograde.”
While these statements can sometimes offer comfort or perspective, they can also become tools for avoidance. Instead of addressing personal accountability or the complexity of life’s challenges, spiritual bypassing shifts the focus to external forces—cycles, energies, or divine will.
This pattern can also be weaponized as a power play. Some individuals use spirituality to elevate themselves above others, presenting themselves as more enlightened, knowledgeable, or attuned. This creates a dynamic where they are placed on a pedestal, and others are encouraged to defer to their authority rather than trust their own inner wisdom.
At its worst, spiritual bypassing can foster a culture of blame and shame. People struggling with difficulties may be told that their pain is a result of their own low vibration or spiritual misalignment. This not only invalidates their experience but also places undue responsibility on them for circumstances that may be out of their control.
The Importance of Honesty and Personal Responsibility
What’s the alternative? It starts with personal responsibility and authenticity. This means embracing the complexity of life, including its messiness, challenges, and contradictions. It means taking ownership of our emotions and actions rather than deflecting them onto external forces or superficial positivity.
For those navigating spiritual or personal growth, it’s essential to integrate both self-awareness and accountability. True spirituality isn’t about bypassing hardship; it’s about confronting it with compassion and courage. It’s about creating a foundation of safety within ourselves so that we can process difficult emotions without fear or judgment.
For those supporting others, it means listening without dismissing, validating without fixing, and allowing space for honest expression. Positivity, when grounded in authenticity, becomes a tool for connection and resilience—not avoidance or invalidation.
By moving beyond toxic positivity and spiritual bypassing, we can create spaces that honor the full spectrum of the human experience—spaces where pain, joy, struggle, and growth are all equally valid and welcome. Only then can we truly support one another and ourselves on the journey to healing and wholeness.
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