My Journey with Cacao: From First Sip to Facilitating Ritual
I’ll never forget the first time I sat in a cacao circle. It was in Napier in 2018, with Radha from Heart Awakening. I walked into the space not really knowing what to expect but feeling a deep curiosity. It had been such a long time since I’d truly dropped into my body, and that day turned out to be a pivotal moment in my life.
As we drank the warm, earthy cacao, I could feel its gentle embrace guiding me inward. We moved through a practice of gentle, intuitive movement, something entirely new to me. At first, I kept my eyes closed, feeling a little self-conscious about moving and dancing on my mat. But as the circle unfolded, I allowed myself to let go of that self-consciousness.
For the first time in a long time, I observed my thoughts and body with compassion rather than judgment. It was as though a door had opened within me, and I could see a glimpse of something I had been missing: connection, presence, and a deeper sense of self. From that moment, cacao touched my life in a way I could never have imagined. I knew things would never be the same.
Diving Deeper into Cacao
That first cacao circle sparked a journey of discovery. I became captivated by cacao—not just the ceremonial drink itself but its history, origins, and spiritual significance. A year later January 2020, I embarked on a one-month cacao immersion. Each day, I drank cacao with intention, and once a week, I joined a small, intimate online group for a circle. This experience deepened my relationship with cacao and brought me closer to understanding the power of ritual and prayer.
Ritual and prayer became a way of reclaiming parts of myself I hadn’t connected with in years. I remembered that I used to pray all the time—not in a religious sense, but in a way that felt deeply personal and spiritual. With cacao, I began lighting incense again, allowing its scent to ground me in my body. I started reconnecting with nature as a form of prayer, letting it be my guide and sanctuary.
For me, cacao became more than just a drink; it became a bridge back to myself. It reminded me that spirituality doesn’t have to fit into a box—it can be as simple as feeling the earth beneath your feet or savoring the quiet moments with a cup of cacao in hand.
Learning to Share Cacao with Others
I attended nearly every cacao circle Radha and others offered after that first experience. These circles became a source of nourishment, and through them, I felt a growing desire to give back to the cacao community. When Radha announced her first-ever ceremonial cacao facilitation training in Ōtaki October 2021, I knew I had to be there.
The training was unlike anything I’d ever experienced—a potent, five-day container filled with beautiful wāhine and one brave tāne, all gathered with a shared intention. It was intense, beautiful, and deeply transformative. I arrived with the intention to learn how to hold space for others, to pour back into the community what cacao had given me, and to contribute in a meaningful way.
Through the training, I gained not just the tools to facilitate circles but also a deeper appreciation for the spirit of cacao. It’s a teacher, a connector, and a heart-opener. It’s about community, presence, and love—for oneself and others.
Finding Alignment in Sourcing
After completing my cacao facilitation training, I began exploring who I wanted to support when sourcing cacao for my offerings. Up until that point, I had been using Keith’s Cacao, which I purchased directly through Radha. Naturally, I turned to them first, signing up for an account and initiating the process to buy directly from their company.
As part of this, I had a Zoom call with their sales representative who oversaw all of Keith’s Cacao. It was an opportunity to connect, discuss intentions, and learn more about the company. However, that conversation left me feeling deeply disheartened. The representative’s perspective and approach to cacao did not align with how I viewed and respected this sacred plant medicine. It caught me off guard and left me feeling discouraged. I realized that supporting Keith’s Cacao no longer felt right for me.
Shortly after, Corin from Seleno Health reached out to me. He had seen an advertisement for one of my cacao circles and asked if we could have a Zoom call to discuss their cacao. That conversation was a turning point.
For over an hour, Corin shared the story behind Seleno Health’s cacao, their ethical principles, and their commitment to the farmers and communities they work with. He spoke about the Monte Grande temple they were supporting , their Rescue Cacao foundation supporting farmers to transition out of the cocaine trade, and the immense effort they poured into creating sustainable, ethical practices.
What stood out to me most was the balance of heart and science that Corin and his partner Sally brought to their work. Corin, a scientist, had invested in researching cacao’s components and their effects on the brain and nervous system. This opened my eyes to an entirely new perspective—beyond the spiritual and somatic benefits of cacao, there was also a profound physiological and scientific side. Soon after I completed their Cacao facilitator training.
I was blown away by Corin and Sally’s integrity, kindness, and passion. Their approach resonated deeply with me. I placed my first order with them.
Evolving Perspectives on Sourcing
While I love Seleno Health, times are changing. I’ve started to consider other small businesses that are ethically producing cacao. It’s important to me to remain open and adaptable, supporting those who align with my values and the integrity I hold for cacao.
This journey has taught me that sourcing cacao is about much more than the product itself—it’s about the people, the practices, and the principles behind it. Each step of the way, I’ve learned to trust my intuition, ensuring that my choices honor not only the plant medicine but also the communities and traditions that sustain it.
My Journey with Cacao: Honoring the Sacred, Exploring the World
Over the years, my relationship with cacao has grown and evolved, leading me to explore many different cacao companies from around the world. Each one has offered something unique, a glimpse into the rich diversity of cacao and the people who cultivate it.
I’ve tried cacao from The Cacao Ambassador, Mamauti, Ubud Cacao, Hawaiian cacao, African cacao, Indian cacao, and cacao from the Solomon Islands. I’ve experienced the deep richness of cacao from Kakāwā, a company created by a Māori wahine in the South Island whose integrity and ethics I deeply admire. Her approach reflects the reverence cacao deserves, honoring both its origins and the communities it supports.
Through this exploration, I’ve come to appreciate the nuances of cacao from different regions, the stories embedded in its cultivation, and the diverse traditions tied to this sacred plant. Each encounter has enriched my understanding and deepened my connection to cacao as both a medicine and a teacher.
Navigating Fads and Cultural Appropriation
As my knowledge of cacao expanded through my Trauma informed trainings in Social justice and systemic change, I also began to notice troubling patterns in the wider cacao community. The rise in popularity of cacao ceremonies has brought incredible opportunities for connection and healing, but it has also given way to exploitation.
I’ve seen cacao used as part of fleeting trends, with some facilitators failing to do the deep mahi required to understand its history, cultural significance, and sacred nature. Many overlook the need for proper research and training, and I’ve observed instances where cacao is appropriated in ways that disregard its Indigenous roots.
Cultural appropriation in cacao spaces can manifest as a lack of acknowledgment for the cultures and traditions that have stewarded this medicine for generations. It can show up in the form of shallow practices that focus on aesthetics rather than substance or a failure to give back to the communities who cultivate cacao. These issues have weighed heavily on my heart, pushing me to navigate my own offerings with care, humility, and integrity.
Honoring Cacao in My mahi.
In my own practice, I’ve made it a priority to approach cacao with reverence and respect. I strive to create spaces that honor its origins, acknowledge the systems of colonization and exploitation that continue to affect cacao-growing communities, and educate others about the sacred nature of this plant.
When I facilitate cacao circles, I am mindful to share the history and significance of cacao, to invite reflection on its journey from seed to cup, and to hold the space with intention and care. For me, this is about more than creating a meaningful experience—it’s about contributing to a collective effort to ensure cacao is honored, not exploited.
The Ongoing Journey
My exploration of cacao continues to evolve. I’ve learned that sourcing cacao isn’t just about finding a product that tastes good—it’s about aligning with companies that uphold ethical practices, respect the communities they work with, and approach cacao as a sacred medicine.
Through my journey, I’ve become increasingly discerning about where I source cacao, supporting businesses like Seleno Health and Kakāwā that share my values. I’ve also grown more aware of my responsibility as a facilitator to ensure that my work does not contribute to exploitation or appropriation.
Cacao has taught me so much—not only about myself but about the importance of integrity, humility, and respect in every aspect of life. It has shown me the power of ritual, the beauty of connection, and the responsibility we all have to honor the traditions and communities that sustain us.
As I continue to work with cacao, I remain committed to learning, growing, and creating offerings that reflect the deep respect I have for this sacred plant and the people who have cared for it long before it entered my life.
A Deep Dive into Spirituality and Reclamation
This year, I’ve taken a deep dive into exploring my spirituality, ritual, and the reclamation of parts of myself I didn’t know were there. It’s been a journey of deep remembering—honoring the authentic parts of myself and redefining what ritual means to me.
I’ve come to realize that my spirituality and rituals don’t need to look like anyone else’s. They don’t need to fit into pre-existing molds or traditions. They might look like something no one else is doing, and that’s okay. This process has been a reclamation of authenticity, a journey of reconnecting with what feels true to me, rather than following what others expect or believe.
As part of this journey, I’ve taken a step back from publicly working with cacao this year. Since completing my facilitation training with Radha and Seleno Health in 2020, I’ve held at least 50 cacao circles over the last three years. But this year, I felt called to revisit cacao more personally, to reconnect with it on a deeper level.
During this time, people have reached out to ask if I’m still offering cacao circles. The answer is: Not yet—but soon. From next year, I will be returning to public spaces with cacao, bringing an evolved version of what these circles mean to me.
I’ll continue working with Seleno Health cacao but will also support smaller businesses like Kakāwā. Watch this space as I step into a renewed relationship with cacao, creating spaces that honor the evolution of this journey.
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